pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize