I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
