I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
