you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
