$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
