would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So vagazzling was a success
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
