Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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