dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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