I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
