Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
