Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize