There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
