hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
