if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This baby is an asshole
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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