Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
