you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
