then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
