my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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