yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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