Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

mustard is like jesus in yellow tights

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.

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(416): View more from Toronto

He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ

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(828): View more from North Carolina

i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.

(1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

It's not even 9:30 yet..

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(330): View more from Ohio

COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?

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