so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize