he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
