come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
