I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Come on in and take your pants off
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