Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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