Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
