TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
