D3 body, D1 cock
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize