Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They took my balls.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
