i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
