i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
