And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
