well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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