it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize