I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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