Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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