the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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