My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize