I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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