i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
