What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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