WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
