i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's like iHOP with fire
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
