the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
