So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
