I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
