You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
