New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
