I heard we made out
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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