he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
