see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
