3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
