honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
