Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
