Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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