I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
