Too much gin, very little bucket
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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