He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
