The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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