Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
