No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
