btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
